Ab Imo Pectore
by jesusofsuburbia2o2o
Summary: Title means 'From The Bottom Of My Heart'. Light sends L a message that he never meant to send, subconsciously destroying them both. LxLight, yaoi. Rated T, but it's more like T Plus.


**Author's Note: Hello again! I just got this idea nagging in my brain and it would not leave. So I decided to write it :D This is a bit sad, a little more on the side of T+ (for mentions of homosexual intercourse). **

**Um, yaoi, don't like don't read. **

**This is for my Death Note beta, Believe Bridesmaid! hugs It is also for my friend Black-Dranzer-1119 (Sorry I wasn't doing Name, again, but this was nagging! Nagging, I tell you! XD) And for Miss. Marie Doerfer, who I love no matter what :D And it is also for my readers. This is an angsty treat for you. **

**Read on, please, and don't forget to leave me a review!**

**:o:**

To: L

From: Light Yagami

Subject: (none)

L… why do I love you again? Sometimes you infuriate me to the point when I forget, but then when I actually see you again… and

I mean actually see _you_…

When I look into the obsidian depths of your irises, I can see myself. When I have to touch you to get your attention, I feel like I've been electrocuted.

I can't even begin to describe my feelings when I am given one of your rare smiles. My breath catches in my throat, my skin breathing in your closeness, even though 'closeness' is no more than three yards long, exceptions being the bed and the shower, and I want to cry.

I want to cry, L, because you will never love me… let alone LIKE me, the way I need you. Need. I can't remember my life when you weren't in it; it

was nowhere near as significant as my life with you in it. Truly, I wonder sometimes if I may be better off to forget everything. It would kill my heart,

but then my heart couldn't be broken by you telling me that you more than dislike me.

It would kill me, L, it truly would kill me.

I dislike Misa with such contempt you can only imagine it. Maybe it's as strong as the way you dislike Kira. Misa means nothing to me, she is incomparable to your brains and brilliance, surely you must see me own contempt for her. I know you feel it, too.

L… I love you too much… and I have to tell you, if I were Kira, I would tell you. I really would, it would be the one thing you wanted… and I live to make you happy. If I was Kira, I would be put to death a happy man, knowing that I gave you the one thing in the world that you wanted.

_Light begins to cry, wiping his tears on his sweater sleeve before the task force can catch him. L hasn't noticed that Light was in utter despair. The younger man wasn't even writing the email to L… he needed someplace to vent, other than on his wrists (he had never taken that path nor did he ever want to). This seemed okay, or as okay as okay can get._

But… L, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. And you hate me That's okay, again, whatever makes you happy will make me happy internally.

Maybe, after this mess called Life is over, we may have a chance at in toto amour post mortem. Ah, acta sanctorum. How it pains me so… **(A/N: Latin translations are at bottom Author's Note)**

Is there any cure for this disease, this disease, the one called love?

Not as long as there is you, L.

Light Yagami

_Matsuda comes into the room that the rest of the task force is in, bringing coffee. Matsuda, being a klutz, accidentally trips over the chain, jerking Light's arm toward the mouse._

_Light, completely taken off guard__.__ clicks the 'Send' button. After realizing that the forbidden message was sent, he screams in agony and flees to the bedroom, locking the door and trying to inflict as much pain on himself as possible; pulling out his hair, scratching his arms and punching his own face, sobbing uncontrollably all the while. A knock is heard on the outside of the door._

Light was on the verge of passing out, and did not respond. Death would be preferable to the thought of having to face everything. It seemed like an easy idea, anyway. There was a bathtub in the bathroom adjoined the bedroom that he was in. All he had to do was… No. He was Light Yagami. He wasn't going to go off himself because of a love confession, no matter how it may torment him.

The door was knocked on louder and a baritone 'Light-kun' was heard. So Ryuzaki was the one who came after him. It figures, after all. He probably wanted to laugh at him for being insane. Light still did not move toward the door.

"Light-kun!" the voice was louder, more urgent, as if sensing what Light was going to do.

"Don't!"

Light didn't have the guts to answer. Instead, against his will and conscious mind, he opened the door leading to where Ryuzaki stood.

His normally apathetic façade was gone, his eyes were wide with panic (at the thought that Light was a bruised bloody mess or the fact that someone had found out his real name, we may never know), just in a complete frenzy.

"Light-kun…"

Light looked at the older man with a blank facial expression on his face, almost a bored one, showing the exact polar opposite of what he was really feeling… what he was really thinking. "Ryuzaki-san."

"Light… I…"

The bloody brunette closed his eyes. "That's right, L. No honorific? Are you trying to manipulate my emotions any more than you already do, by any chance? That's low, even for you." He managed to say, his thumb and forefinger squeezing the bridge of his nose.

The raven haired man simply looked at him, the bottomless black depths of his eyes welling up with all the tears he was denied over the boy, the tears that reflected everything that he had been through, that no one knew about except the insomniac himself. The unusually smooth face crumpled internally, a cry catching in his throat and moving out his eyes… for the first time in his life.

Even though Light was done with his crying jag, it sent an arrow through his heart to see L in t his state. Not knowing exactly what to do, he put his arms around the older man.

L had, at first, stiffened, but gave into the comfort that his only friend was giving him, embracing him back, and holding on as if his life depended on it. L then pulled them down to sit on the king size bed.

Then, his life raft moved, and now Light was on the other side of the bed.

"No… you don't love me. I couldn't stand this, L, if you did this one thing from me. It would eat away at my insides. I can't stand knowing that… you dislike me, and are doing this just to make me feel better. It's okay… I'll be okay. Whether I end up in Heaven for falling in love, or in Hell for the very same reason, your conscience will be cleared.''

It will all be… okay…'

Light's eyes began to water. Not full out crying though, he was done with that. L's tears however, seemed to be in a relentless flow as he looked up at Light, eyes red and sore and taking shuddering breaths.

"Light… no… It's my… fault… if only I could have said it… maybe everything would be different…''

"Maybe…"

L walked around the bed to look Light clear into the eyes that seemed so sad… so dejected, so intelligent…and yet so beautiful.

L could not resist the temptation to brush the hair back from the stunning brunette's mutilated face, leaning in closer, feeling the hot breath on his own lips.

"Light…" The older man had long ago committed one of the main cardinal sins in his own book: Being in love, or more importantly, being in love with his main suspect. The irony, the world's greatest detective and the world's greatest criminal had fallen for each other. If the aforementioned topic was a book, L would have dropped it immediately.

Their lips moved as one, tongues dancing in an intricate dance known only to them. The two could feel more tears coming down their faces and intermixing with the tears of their only beloved, this time, though, the tears were not sad. They were happy tears, a feeling of triumph over a war that only seemed to end in pain, no battles won.

The electric passion between the two genii seemed almost tangible in the heavy atmosphere. As the two pulled away simultaneously for a breath of air, they simply looked at each other.

"I love you, Light… I love you with all my heart, my mind, my soul… any of which you please, for they all belong to you. Do what you wish with them, just… don't…"

The sentence didn't even have to be finished, Light had captured the older man's lips with his own once again, sealing the deal that would last

forever, the deal of being eternally in debt to that one person who claims your innocence, for both men, who claim your innocence in love and for love, a deadly, deadly thing. The greatest detective and (possibly) the greatest murderer of all time engaging in the act of lovemaking was so clichéd that it was laughable.

Ironically, the two could not stop drinking in each other.

"I love you, Light."

"I love you, L."

**Thank you for reading this brief oneshot! **

**Latin Translations are as follows:**

_In toto amour post mortem--__in total love after death. Light is pretty depressed there, obviously._

_Acta sanctorum--__the acts of saints. Since L and Light are smarter than virtually anyone, Light considers them saints. This all took place when Light was not conscious of being Kira._

**I thank you! Now please review?**

**Again, thank you, Believe Bridesmaid for your advice (and that's exactly what I needed :D)**


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